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Noteworthy Thoughts on Grieving


God is not responsible for everything that happens in this world, there are other factors such as biology, laws of nature and free will. These things explain why bad things happen. God suffers along with us and cries along with us. He is with us.

You are a God who never promised joy without pain, or sun without rain, or roses without thorns. But You promised to be with us in our struggles to give light in times of darkness.

Initially, it is crucial that you focus on the self. In this early stage, our grief demands selfishness, an internal focus in order to heal. You are in no position to give of the self since our self, our world, has been shattered.

Outreach means taking care of yourself first but then using your pain, your loss, your sorrow as fuel for helping other people, for making a difference in someone else's life.

One of the things I would definitely recommend to anybody who is going through any kind of loss is, as soon as you're strong enough, to be involved in helping other people who have been through the same thing. It's a purifying thing. Get it out and help others in ways that you can. You give because it makes you feel good, it nourishes your soul, it eases your grief, it bolsters your self esteem, it brings you closer to God, it fulfills you, it heals you, it provides you with meaning.

If you help others, you will help yourself. Those who bring sunshine to others cannot keep it from themselves. This is the way to heal, and this is the way you recover your own sense of potency that this is something you have to do for yourself. Do what you need to do to heal and feel good about yourself.

As you listen to their story of grief you begin to understand that you're qualified to help in a way that 99 percent of people cannot. The sense of helplessness starts to lift. When you realize that you can help people in a way that the average person can't, because of your experience, you have the option of turning this into something good, something redemptive, something helpful. You can do it just by knowing, saying the right things.

The final healing -- a deeply important force for healing is helping others. Preferably you go right back to the wound but this time you go back as a healer rather than a victim and you will be healed. It is important to go back as a healer going back where you were wounded, going back to the source of the wound but going as a healer, seeing yourself making that transformation from victim to healer. You understand what its like and that's also important for your own healing. The final healing -- a deeply important force for healing is helping others. Preferably you go right back to the wound but this time you go back as a healer rather than a victim and you will be healed.

Reaching out to others who are suffering helps immeasurably. It's because you're doing for someone else and it's not because our mind isn't on our own pain. This is very different, it isn't a distraction, this is something much more powerful. Any sort of service that we do always benefits us so much more than the person that we're reaching out to. It truly is an example of "it's more blessed to give than to receive".

St Francis of Assisi Prayer:
Lord, make me an instrument of Thy peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is sadness, joy.

O divine Master,
Grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
To be understood, as to understand;
To be Loved, as to love;
For it is in giving that we receive,
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal Life.

In the words of St. Francis, "By so forgetting, one finds. By dying, one enters eternal life." I don't think St. Francis meant just dying in the literal sense. I think he meant that by dying in the self and becoming self-less, one enters the wholeness of Being.

In order to help others, you must become self-less, put your needs secondary. By dying in the literal sense, dying in the self and becoming selfless, one enters the wholeness of Being. If you are too immersed in your own needs, then there is no energy to offer to others. So before you are in a position to give, you must overcome your grief.

Henry David Thoreau:
If I can put one touch
Of a rosy sunset into the
Life of any man or woman,
I shall feel that I have
Worked with God.

Swahili saying:
To those who are gracious to fellow humans,
God is gracious also.

Mother Teresa tells us that true love is about selfless giving. She says, "Prayer in action is love, and love in action is service. Try to give unconditionally whatever a person needs in the moment. The point is to do something, however small, and show you care through your actions by giving your time. We are all God's children so it is important to share His gifts.

Emotional acceptance often takes longer than intellectual acceptance.


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Last modified 12 January 2019.
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